You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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