people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
