Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
