I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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