I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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