For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
