How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
