Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
