All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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