My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
