Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
