broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do herpes really smell.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
