I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm at about main and main street
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
