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No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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