He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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