Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
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I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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