direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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