did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I understand Curling. That high.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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