just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
