My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We need to get me chipped asap
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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