I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
