Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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