I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
