did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
