I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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