you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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