Having a random hookup so left but love u
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
