That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
