bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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