Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
