The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
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