dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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