smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
