She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
