I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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