dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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