If that was your dad, he is hot
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
