I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
