The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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