she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
