Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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