Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
