office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
