There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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