Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
