Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
