You really coming over, don't trick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
