You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
