one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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