Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
