I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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