they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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