it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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