on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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