Where is the hickey?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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