hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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