my sisters under your porch take her home
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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