You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
