Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
