i jhust puked up my retainher.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
