I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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