Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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