if you like me you must not know who I am
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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