they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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