when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
God I need to hump something, right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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