My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
