you mean i was at the winter classic?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
