Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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