Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
