Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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