My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He better not be in your backpack
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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