I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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