addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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