He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
