The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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