New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
