So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
