Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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